You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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