i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
whose parrot is this?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
