dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
