I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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