and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Someone signed my nipple.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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