Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im part way to drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
