Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
