evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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