There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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