I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
