even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
