absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
