I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
