...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
