4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
