I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
