Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
