I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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