69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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