So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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