Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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