when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
