Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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