She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
