i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
