im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
