Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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