Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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