There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
