kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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