She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
