I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
