I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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