my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
