Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
