I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
