u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
