well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
