um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
