It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
