her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
