after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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