Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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