So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
