I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
honey bunches of taint.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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