Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
