dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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