found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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