You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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