I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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