if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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