a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
